Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
