last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
