Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
