Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
