Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Randomize
