My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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