The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
