Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
