Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
