Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
