OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
