Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
