Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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