i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
