I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
