worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
