Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
