Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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