You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
