dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
