its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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