Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
