Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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