I swear she didn't look like that last week.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
