Me. At least after what I've been through.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I touched a dick in church today
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
