Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
