Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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