youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this boner is exhausting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
