I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
