I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
