Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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