I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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