Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
