I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
