i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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