Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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