Im at strip club and am horny
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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