I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
