Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
