I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
