Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
