I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
