thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
