The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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