Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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