You work out of a Hotel?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
