I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
