Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
