Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
