Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
