Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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