Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
