we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize