$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
