my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
