Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
