When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
